It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i believe in u and ur pee
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
