he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
