I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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