I cockslap morals
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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