They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
