How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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