You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just threw up on my dentist
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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