how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
