Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
