Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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