I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
