i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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