hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
