This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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