Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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