you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
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Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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