what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
