how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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