His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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