watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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