i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
