he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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