Me too!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Shame - the story of my life.
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