He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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