Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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