How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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