My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
