you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
