I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
