Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
