Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
