It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
