soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
