I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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