drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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