I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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