My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
