So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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