I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
