jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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