a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
