if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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