Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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