Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
