I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
