; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Apparently you make a good broom.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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