I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
