i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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