But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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