Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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