We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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