i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
