i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
this boner is exhausting
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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