Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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