My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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