Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
