Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
