I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
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Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
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I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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