trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
