i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
