Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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